Part three of our difficult people series turns to a practical question: how do you navigate a one-on-one meeting or conversation with a difficult person?
Meetings are a normal part of work. With a difficult person they can become far more complex, requiring greater intra- and interpersonal skill than usual. Through our leadership development and coaching programs, doctors at all career stages describe significant distress at the thought of an upcoming meeting or even receiving a text or email requesting one.
The aim of this article is to outline practical skills and tactics to manage that distress and hold boundaries around role, work and time so you can protect yourself professionally.
Below are three considerations for navigating everyday work interactions with a difficult person.
Note: This article refers to routine work meetings and interactions. It does not address formal processes such as performance reviews, complaint meetings or specific conflict discussions. For those situations, we recommend involving a third party and leaning on formal processes.
1. Don’t get caught in the chaos: stay grounded and contained
In Parts 1 and 2 we discussed how difficult people are often identified by the distress we feel when interacting with them. This distress frequently arises from anxiety and confusion created by sudden changes, shifting priorities or new projects introduced without warning.
One way to mitigate this is to avoid being pulled into the chaos. Easier said than done.
A useful approach is to centre yourself and monitor your emotional involvement. Imagine you have Teflon coating. Let the words flow around you. Do not bite. Stay calm. Stay grounded. Stay in control of how you respond. Do not take it personally.
Practical tactics:
Let them talk. Allow the difficult person to open the conversation and set the initial direction. Your role is to listen. Many will say a great deal. Do not interrupt or rush to respond.
Listen actively and professionally. Provide appropriate verbal and non-verbal cues that you are engaged.
Respond in a contained and measured way. What is raised may align with your expectations or may completely blindside you. Focus only on what is being said in the moment and let go of assumptions.
You can engage constructively by:
Asking for clarification: “You mentioned X. What did you mean by that?”
Checking understanding: “Are you referring to…?”
Using concrete language: “The next committee meeting is on Tuesday. Are you suggesting…?”
Responding positively but cautiously: “I will consider that.” “I can look into that.” “I will check whether that is possible.”
These responses keep you engaged without committing prematurely. You are not saying yes to everything and you are not escalating with a no. You are creating professional space to assess whether the request is reasonable.
This matters because difficult people can generate additional work that is later forgotten, changed or no longer relevant. Avoiding an immediate no can also prevent triggering defensiveness or authority struggles. Containment protects you.
2. Exiting the interaction and recovery
Interactions with difficult people are often exhausting. Most meetings are 15, 30 or 60 minutes. While they may feel much longer, they are finite.
Strategies to manage the end of the interaction:
Hold time boundaries. Start and finish on time. Use a watch, phone or timer if needed. External cues help you maintain boundaries when the other person does not.
Close the meeting deliberately. Summarise agreed actions and next steps. Then end the interaction.
Allow recovery time. You may feel tired, unsettled or overwhelmed. Address this first. Take a short walk. Get a drink. Step outside. Call a trusted colleague or partner. Reset before returning to clinical or administrative work.
If additional work has been requested:
Do not rush immediately into action.
Clarify expectations and priorities before starting.
Regulate your response rather than reacting to every shift in agenda.
If you agree to take something on, set a boundary around the time and energy you will allocate. Aim for an appropriate standard rather than perfection.
Containment during the meeting and recovery afterwards are both essential. Without them, repeated exposure to difficult interactions can erode confidence, increase fatigue and undermine your effectiveness at work.
3. Be careful with honesty, authenticity and vulnerability
Honesty, authenticity and vulnerability are widely referenced in leadership and organisational literature. In healthy workplace cultures these qualities can support strong communication and better decision making.
This relies on psychological safety. Psychological safety refers to a shared belief that the environment is safe for interpersonal risk taking. People feel able to speak up, ask questions, acknowledge mistakes or raise concerns without fear of humiliation or retaliation. When this is present, open discussion is more likely to lead to collaborative decisions and improved performance.
When you trust a colleague to listen without judgement, show empathy and work constructively towards solutions, it can be appropriate to share personal reflections or acknowledge what you are finding difficult.
The challenge is that psychological safety may not be present with a difficult person.
In conversations with someone who creates stress, confusion or power struggles, openness and vulnerability may not have the intended effect. Trust and support are reciprocal. If your colleague is unlikely to respond with respect or discretion, sharing sensitive information may expose rather than protect you.
With a difficult person, containment is often wiser than candour. Stay professional. Stay measured. Share only what is necessary for the work.
In summary
Meetings and conversations with difficult people are difficult work. The strategies outlined in this article are grounded in self-protection, clear boundaries, staying emotionally contained and maintaining polite and respectful communication.
When working with difficult people the task is not to analyse or fix them. It is not to become preoccupied with why they behave as they do or how you might change them. The work is to manage the interaction in a way that protects your mental and emotional health and supports your ability to continue working effectively and sustainably.
For more leadership insights, including topics such as psychological safety, giving difficult feedback and de-escalating tension in conversations, visit the Leadership page on our website.
You can also view our professional development offerings in this area:
Dr Anna Clark (PhD) delivers AMA Victoria’s Leadership education and Leadership coaching programs. If you would like to find out more about our leadership development offerings, schedule a discovery call or email [email protected].