Leading difficult conversations and managing tension is part of leadership.

Conflict and challenging behaviour show up in every workplace. Therefore, the ability to effectively manage difficult people and behaviour needs to be in every leader’s toolkit.

When a challenging situation has emerged in your context, the principle of boundaries can be very helpful. Boundaries offer a way to contain the issue — to prevent it from escalating or spilling into unrelated areas.

If you’re the one scheduling a difficult conversation or meeting, there are three key boundary points to consider:

1. Time – When it will take place, and how long it will go for
2. Topic – What is the focus or purpose of the meeting
3. Outcome – What this meeting can realistically achieve

(Most of the time, resolving challenging issues requires multiple meetings and conversations).

Let’s break each of these down.
 

1. Time boundaries: Be clear and keep it contained

Be deliberate about when the meeting happens and how long it runs. Conflict often comes with tension and distress — so shorter, focused conversations usually work better. They help prevent escalation and give people space to reflect between meetings.

Managing time boundaries may also involve the need to make a change within the conversation and bring it to an end early or take a break. Consider the following actions and phrase that could use to give yourself a break:

• “Please excuse me, I need to take this call. I’ll be back shortly.”
• “I have another appointment now - let me check if they’ve arrived.”
• “I can stay for another 5–10 minutes, but I’ll need to step out briefly to arrange that.”

Often, people find it helpful to create a circuit breaker to compose themselves, re-focus and get back to the specific issue or topic.
 

2. Topic boundaries: Keep it on track

In tense situations, emotions can easily pull the conversation off course. As focus drifts, boundaries loosen — and uncertainty rises. Be clear about the purpose from the outset:

• Start by naming the issue and aligning on the topic.
• Talk about the work, not the person. Avoid names. Use roles and behaviours — e.g. “When the consultant asked me…” or “When the NUM raised…”

If the conversation starts to derail, these phrases can help:

• “I feel like we’re getting off track. Let’s pause here and reconvene after some reflection.”
• “I’ve heard a very different version of events. I want to take time to consider your view and get more information. Let’s meet again later in the week.”
• “Thank you for sharing this. I hear your perspective. There’s more I need to weigh up in my role, so I’d like us to meet again next week.”
   

3. Outcome boundaries: One meeting can’t solve everything

Complex issues need time. You won’t solve everything in one go — but it’s important to address things early and gather the right information and perspectives.

These phrases can help set realistic expectations:

• “We have a complex issue here. We are going to need more time to unpack all the pieces and make a plan; can we make another time to talk further?”
• “I need time to consider everything. Thanks for your input — I’ll be in touch soon.”

Use boundaries to steady the process

Finding a fair and productive way through a challenging issue takes time and multiple conversations.

As you plan what this will look like, use the concept of boundaries — around when you meet, how long you meet, and what you discuss — to keep things contained and reduce anxiety.

The steadier and more intentional your approach, the better the outcomes.

The goal of these short 'Leadership Insights' is to share key concepts and ideas on effective leadership, along with practical tips for applying them in your own context. Members, look for a new insight every two weeks in the Check-up.

Dr Anna Clark (PhD) is AMAV's leadership consultant, coach and educator, currently offering individual coaching for doctors and directing AMA Victoria’s professional development programs in leadership, the Emerging Leader Program and Middle Leader Program.

If you are navigating a leadership challenge and would like to speak with one of our leadership coaches, schedule a Leader Check-In, an exclusive benefit for AMA Victoria members.